A lot of times, we see articles posted about the things that can ruin a relationship. So let’s look at the bright side for once and discover what relationship habits are actually good for you. What makes a relationship great?
Letting some conflicts go unresolved
The idea that you have to talk about all of your problems and resolve is a myth. This may sound like a toxic statement, but research on thousands of happily married couples, some of whom have been married for 40+ years, found that time and again, most successful couples have persistent unresolved issues, unresolved issues that they’ve sometimes been fighting about for decades. Meanwhile many of the unsuccessful couples insisted on fixing EVERYTHING.
People like to fantasize about “true love.” But if there is such a thing, it requires us to sometimes accept things we don’t like. The truth is, trying to resolve a conflict can sometimes create more problems than it fixes. Some battles are simply not worth fighting. And sometimes the most optimal relationship strategy is one of “live and let live.”
When you are in a relationship, and you two are right for each other, ,it shouldn’t be about making each other feel great all the time. Sometimes, if you don’ look good, it’s OK if h tells you. And he was being a b*****d, it’s ok to tell him too. If you can’t be honest with the person you love, you can’t be anything!
Men stereotypically lie in a situation to make their girlfriends/wives happy. But why? Honesty in a relationship is more important than feeling good all of the time. If you get called out once in a while, in all honesty, at the end of day, you both are becoming better people, together. The last person you should ever have to censor yourself with is the person you love.
Spending time apart
You see it all the time: the man who meets his girlfriend and stops playing basketball and hanging out with his friends, or the woman who suddenly decides she loves every comic book and video game her boyfriend likes even though she doesn’t know how to even play.
The problem with allowing your identity to be consumed by a romantic relationship is that as you change to be closer to the person you love, you cease to be the person they fell in love with in the first place.
It’s important to occasionally get some distance from your partner, assert your independence, maintain some hobbies or interests that are just yours. Have some separate friends. Take an occasional trip somewhere by yourself. Remember what made you ‘you’ and what drew you to your partner in the first place. Without this space, without this oxygen to breathe, the fire between the two of you will die out.
Accepting your partner’s flaws
In his famous book The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera said there are two types of womanizers: 1) men who are looking for the perfect woman and can never find her, and 2) men who convince themselves that every woman they meet is already perfect.
This applies to just about anyone who consistently finds themselves in dysfunctional relationships. They either try to make their partner be perfect by “fixing” them or changing them. Or they delude themselves into thinking that their partner is already perfect.
Every person has flaws and imperfections and you can never force a person to change. Therefore, you must date somebody who has flaws you can live with or even appreciate. It may be our perfections that attract one another. But it’s our imperfections that decide whether we stay together or not.