While all of your friends are paired up and living the ‘couples’ adventure, you seem to be alone most of the time. Have you ever asked yourself why? Here are some reasons to why you are still single. Read through them, and see which one rings true for you.
Do you pretend to be busy when asked out? Pretend not to care when you really do? Playing hard to get makes it hard to find Mr./Ms. Right. In fact, it’s likely to attract just the sort of person who will make you unhappy: someone who doesn’t feel comfortable being close.
You can’t forget your ex
Idealizing your ex makes it hard to find someone new. You pushed your last partner away, but once the relationship ended, you convinced yourself that the failed relationship had been terrific. Now you compare every new person you meet to your idealized ex. It’s not going to work.
You stick with it
Are you stuck in an unsatisfying relationship? Not getting much out of it, but unable to end it? Yes, breaking up can be hard, in part because the mind is under the control of the mentality that encourages you to stick with your mate. Once you realize this, you’ve taken your first step out toward ending a bad relationship and moving on.
You won’t budge
Maybe you have an ideal mate or relationship in mind and are determined to find that and only that. If so, it might take a very long time. Getting stuck on “the one” is sometimes a way to keep true intimacy at bay. You need to change your mindset. Choose someone, allow him/her to get close, and make him/her special to you.
You’re closed off to connection
You may be closing yourself off to potential relationships without even realizing it. How often do you avoid eye contact with a stranger, or not initiate a conversation with someone sitting next to you at a coffee shop or working out near you at the gym? Maybe you need to be ore open to connection.
Stuck in a routine
It’s normal to have a daily routine, but your predictable schedule could be preventing you from meeting someone new. If you grab coffee at the same Starbucks every morning, go to work, hit the gym at exactly 6 p.m., and then grab a drink at your usual bar, you might miss out on potential opportunities. Change the ball game every once in a while.
Most people have been hurt in relationships before. With time and painful experiences, we all risk building up walls in the fear of getting hurt again. We become increasingly self-protective and closed off. In our adult relationships, we may resist being too vulnerable or write people off too easily.
As years pass, we often develop rulebooks for ourselves regarding dating. But what looks good on paper doesn’t always work in real life. When we act on rules based on our past, we can create a perpetual cycle of disappointing relationships. It’s important not to make fixed rules or to try to fit into other people’s rules when it comes to dating.
Staying open is one of the most important things we can do when looking for a loving partner. Yes, we might get hurt but when we stop taking risks, we reduce our chances of meeting someone we could really have a future with.